bullets and kisses
by SweettFace
Summary: Is it bad that after she left I kissed him again?


_A/N- So! Here is yet another out of the blue iCarly fanfic! _

_Warning, It's Pretty Depressing at first, but that's typical me right?_

_It was really hard to write this though, I had to keep it T rated._

_**Disclaimer**- I don't own iCarly, but I do own my creativity. Unless someone stole it. (Gasp!) That would really suck, because I do not need another writers block._

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~Carly POV~

I'm eighteen years old today. Time really does fly. I should be happy right? Since today is my birthday. But It's also _the day_ that everything went bad. I can't talk to Spencer about it, because I can't stand him having to remember. Sam's been my best friend since I was eight, and It hurts me that there's some things she still doesn't know. I want to tell her those things, but they're just so personal and it hurts me to think of them. I haven't told Freddie either. I don't think I could though. It's just not the same between us after he and Sam dated.

I was taken away from my thoughts when I suddenly heard the sound of Freddie calling my name.

"Carly?" Freddie asked as he walked into my bedroom which I was in. "Oh hey, um Sam wanted to know if- are you crying?"

I continued to stare at the carpet.

"Today's your birthday! Smile!" Freddie said as he tried to cheer me up.

"I have been smiling. Every single birthday party I smile! I can't smile anymore, at least not today." I replied to him.

"Today? Whats so bad about today?" Freddie asked me.

You don't get to know that." I said.

"Carly, I know you're upset about me and Sam, but come on now. Don't cut me off." Freddie argued.

"mmhmm." I murmured.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing."

We were like strangers now. I didn't care about his troubles, and I didn't care about anything he had to say.

I showed him how I felt and after two days of _us, _he blames it on me being stuck in the moment. Then he goes out with my best friend.

"Whatever Carly." Freddie shot back, and before I could think of a response my door slammed shut.

I couldn't hold my tears in anymore. They came down like they've been waiting hours to do so.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated over and over again.

I knew no one was there, but I knew _she_ could hear.

"I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

My heart wouldn't stop flipping. I couldn't feel my stomach, and it hurt when I inhaled. I was crying too hard, but I couldn't stop.

My door opened once again. It was Freddie.

He didn't say anything he just pulled me into a crushing embrace and didn't let me go.

I cryed harder.

"Fourteen years ago. It was my fourth birthday. My dad, my mom, Spencer, Cassandra, Candice and me were all in the living room of our house in Odessa, Texas." I choked out. "We were in the living room and I was blowing out candles, when there were three knocks at the door."

" My Mom went to answer it but then the door was busted open." I said as my voice cracked." There were men and they had guns."

"The guns were so big, they were bigger than me." I sobbed. " The men were dressed in rags and didn't look like they were around there."

I couldn't think strraight for a second as I remembered that scene.

"T-They grabbed my mom and put a p-pistol to her head and said if we didn't give them all the money t-they'd shoot her brains out."

I felt Freddie tighten his grip around me, almost as if he was protecting me.

" My dad gave them all the money we had in the house, and then they dropped my mom to the floor."

"She was crawling to me and when she finally got to me I started to cry because of the blood I could see on her head. And that's what did it. One of the men took out his gun and shot her dead straight in her head."

My tears were uncontrollable.

"Carly, I'm so sorry." Freddie said to me.

" She died right in my little arms, Freddie." I said. " I was only a little girl, and no little girl should have to see that."

It was silent after that. I broke it.

"Cassandra, Candice and I were a triplet set. It was all of our birthdays." I managed out.

I could see how shocked Freddie was. No one knew I had a triplet set, no one.

"Sometimes I just want to die so I don't have to deal with the fact that I'm still alive and she's not. Maybe If I'm dead, I wont feel as guilty." I choked out.

"Don't say that." Freddie said as handed me a tissue.

Anouther long silence passed and for some reason I wanted keep talking about this. I hated having to remember it, but I felt good to let the pain out for one day.

"They didn't kill your sisters did they?" Freddie asked.

"No."

His eyes widened. "Where are they?"

"With my granddad in Yakima." I replied.

"Do you ever speak to them?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"No."

"Do you miss them?"

"No." I was getting annoyed now. I didn't want to speak about them. "When I was thirteen I went to go see them with Spencer, and I was completely unwanted."

"Candice blamed me for the death of _her _mom."

Freddie suddenly banged his fist against my cofee table knocking the sailor hat over.

"She's wrong." Freddie yelled.

"She's not. " I murmured through my tears."I deserved everything that happened that day."

"Stop that. Stop blaming yourself, and saying you deserve this." Freddie yelled at me. " You were four and you were scared. That guy was a sick guy, and he killed your mother because he was cold hearted."

I looked up at him. He looked so concerned. He looked so sad, and helpless.

I looked down for a second, but when I looked up again it wasn't because I wanted to, it was because my lips did something on thier own. Something I hadn't had time to think about. My lips were crushed against his.

I was taken aback, I didn't expect him to cup my cheek and whisper her missed me as he kissed my neck. I didn't know he shared the same feelings as I did.

It felt good to have our tongues were battling for dominance again.

The lack of oxygen soon got to us, and we had to separate.

I could kiss him for days if I didn't oxygen.

"Listen to me Carly." Freddie said as he continued to cup my cheek. "Stop blaming yourself."

I nodded as if I agreed. That was a lie.

He kissed me again.

Suddenly my bedroom door sprang open.

" Jeez Freddie I sent you to go get Carly not to-" Sam was standing there wide eyed.

Oh No.

What had I done? I'd forgotten all about Sam. She was dating Freddie, not me. How could I do this?

"Oh my God, Sam." I exclaimed.

She shook her head. "It all makes sense now."

I swear I saw a tear fall down her cheek.

"I'm going to leave now, and please neither of you, just don't talk to me ever...again." She choked out.

Was I crying now? I was definitely crying now.

And then my door slammed shut.

I felt bad, I really did.

But it is bad that after she left I kissed him again?

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_Whoa. As always, I Have no idea what the hell this is. The ideas just came to me so I wrote them, but I didn't expect it to happen like this. __Oh and did you guys here that iCarly was ending? I'm so sad. If it really is, I wanted to write one more creddie story before it did, and this is the story I came up with. (Don't worry I'm still a seddie shipper.)_

___Whatever, reviews are appreciated._


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